Semblance of Perfection

"No Ana, we don't throw food on the floor."

"No Ana, I said, we don't throw food on the floor."

"ANA! That's Not Nice. We Don't Throw Food On The Floor. OK?"

"ANA! DO YOU WANT TO GO TO YOUR ROOM?"

"amma, inside voice please... no need to scream, amma..."

Deep Breath. Humongous Sigh. Suppressed Smile.

Trapped again by the little booger. Boy am I dense. Thick.

"Ok Ana, but, you need to be good. No throwing food on the floor."

"Ana all done eating, Amma. Play Horsie? Amma, get down on the floor. Play Horsie, Amma..."

The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.
— Erma Bombeck

Ha! I keeled over laughing: Erma Bombeck pointed out in her inimitable jovial style, how much I expect myself to be, well, infallible. To be Perfect. And, I couldn't help wondering how true it is.

No double standards, I keep telling myself. A toddler knows not the difference. Agreed, I raise my voice to mean business, not to terrorize, not to overpower, but just to emphasize. But, a raised voice is a raised voice, regardless of provocation or justification. Hopefully as she grows older she will learn to appreciate the difference. Meanwhile, if Ana is not allowed to scream unnecessarily, then neither am I.

It is not easy to discourage whining when I myself whine after a bad day at work to come home to a sink full of unwashed dishes. I get quite upset, briefly of course, when my plans to crochet or sew over the weekend goes phut because there are the usual household chores to do... But, Ana does not know that. All she sees is a whiny, fussy mommy asking her not to be whiny and fussy. Untangle that one, Baby!

However, when the irresistibly lyrical, Coffee Juice, please, Amma? starts the weekend mornings and sets the waves in motion, washing the whole weekend away in a magical journey, leaving me more or less disoriented like a spinning top wobbling to a stop before the Monday morning circus starts, I just ride along. And, I pack the memories away for those bromidic weekdays at the office, when nothing seems to go my way and I want to fantasize about being somewhere else, doing something else more meaningful and productive with Life.

D, it appears, has taken to parenthood quite well. He rarely, if ever, raises his voice. He seems very composed and relaxed around Ana. However, his schedule is such that the time he spends with Ana is only a fraction of the time I spend with her. So, am not sure if he will have it all together for extended periods. Plus, he has no qualms about letting Ana watch her DVDs all evening if that is what it takes for him to relax. And, he is fine just serving her grilled cheese sandwich or plain rice for dinner.

I, on the other hand, constipate myself with moral anguish, (borrowing the phrase from Terry Pratchett), letting Ana just get her way and vegetate, giving her bare essential foods with minimal nutritive value (in my mind, at least)... it somehow seems too easy, and therefore must be wrong!

If she is in the mood, I let her be. I let her play alone with her toys, stealing quiet glances and smiles while getting a fairly decent meal ready for her. If she seems restless, I try to get her to do some art/craft, or read to her, or even pretend-play with her dolls.

Wish motherhood somehow bestowed magical parenting skills. I wonder if I'll ever be that mommy who has it all together. I am too human and fallible to even pretend to be perfect. What is perfection anyway? It is terribly subjective and possibly over-rated.

As long as I am one step ahead of the baby, leading by example, accepting the inadequacies, recognizing the limitations, and swaddling her in unconditional love I never thought I was capable of before she arrived, while embracing my humanness with all its imperfect glory, I am sure it'll be alright...

Chinook Salmon

Relentless, driven, inspiring. For many centuries the fall Chinook salmon have fought their way upstream from the Pacific Ocean to return to Sandy River to spawn a new generation. And, around second week of October every year, this determined return of the fall Chinook salmon to the Sandy River is celebrated at Oxbow Park as The Salmon Festival.

D was interested in taking Ana to this event. I tagged along reluctantly. It was a fine dry day after a spell of cloudy, rainy days and I didn't want to be cooped up indoors. But, of course, I ended up having a very relaxing four hours.

D took Ana for a ride in the horse-drawn cart to the Wy-Kan-Ush-Pum Village where they had a lot of exhibits and free smoked salmon to taste.



We went up a few trails and watched the large salmon struggle upstream. There were a few activities for children like painting, a maze, story-telling and so on. D enthusiastically took Ana around while I sat under the tent and enjoyed live music.

So far, Ana has shown a consistent liking for bluegrass music, be it at the farmer's market or beer fest or any such outdoor gathering with live music, where she likes to bounce and sway to the rhythm. Possibly because D plays the bluegrass banjo at home?! Who knows...

Anyway, sorry about the sideways tilt - I haven't found a freeware that will let me simply rotate the video files. Here's a tiny video of Ana I couldn't resist recording when Ana kept me company in the music tent. She was just warming up... She ended up jumping and running in circles and "dancing" till the end of the music show - even enticing a couple of other kids to join in!

Developing Lifelong Relationship...

... with Food.

Yes, indeed, with Food!


Ever look back on the wee one's infancy days with nostalgia? How easy it was to just pack a bottle or two of formula or breast milk (just in case privacy turned out to be elusive, like at the supermarket), or even just a bottle or two of mush... ummm... I mean, Stage 1 or Stage 2 foods? (Or even just raagi or oats or rice cereal and a bit of juice or water, plus a spoon)?

While it is true that food is a form of nourishment to keep the body and soul together, as many moms know, it can also become a constant point of contention with our wee ones around toddlerhood.

One of the good advices I got from my mom and close family is to never make the dining table (or highchair) a battleground. Food should not add to the child's anxiety. They already have enough to contend with. If gentle coercion fails, find alternate methods. After all, who said parenting was easy? And why should we expect a child, a tiny little entity discovering the world, to understand why broccoli and spinach is better than French fries and pizza every night? Because I said so is not an acceptable answer :)

Another piece of advice that came in handy for me is to encourage independence by putting the food out in front of the wee ones and allowing them to have control over picking and putting the food in their mouths. Of course, once they have the dexterity and co-ordination, that is... (Rather than running behind them trying to shove food in their mouths with the dreaded "Eat this now or else...").

Although I thought this piece of advice was bogus, it actually seemed to have some validity based on some studies at Pennsylvania State University: don't reward if they eat the good food, and don't punish if they reject the good food. Rather, encourage healthy habits by only providing "allowed" foods at all times and staying reassuringly neutral.

There have been ongoing studies on Children's Eating Behavior. As this article in Journal of Law, Medicine and Ethics endeavors to show:

The first years of life mark a time of rapid development and dietary change, as children transition from an exclusive milk diet to a modified adult diet. During these early years, children's learning about food and eating plays a central role in shaping subsequent food choices, diet quality, and weight status. Parents play a powerful role in children's eating behavior, providing both genes and environment for children. For example, they influence children's developing preferences and eating behaviors by making some foods available rather than others, and by acting as models of eating behavior.
...
To meet the challenge of promoting healthy weight in children in the current eating environment, parents need guidance regarding alternatives to traditional feeding practices.

Another article I came across (wish I had bookmarked it) quoted that nutritionist Susan Roberts of Tufts University supports the "Rule of 15″ — parents must set down a food at least 15 times before a child will begin to like it. However, this does not mean we offer broccoli 15 times in a row every meal, every day till the child relents.

This particular Rule of 15, or Rule of 10 more like it in my case, has been true with Ana. I usually offer her what we eat. The first few times I offered beetroot she outrightly refused to touch it. And each time, I tried it with different texture and flavor - say, grated, diced, sliced, sautéed with spices, tossed with lemon juice and olive oil and what-not. Eventually, even though I can't go so far as to say she loves it and asks for it all the time, she at least eats the small serving I offer her these days.

By the same token, if after repeated attempts, the food still stands rejected, then, simply accept it and move on. Since babyhood Ana has disliked sweet potato. I've tried different presentations of it and to this day she still will not eat more than the first bite that I manage with, "Try it and tell me if you like it...just one bite, OK?"

And that could be genetics, per the NYT article I read recently. Apparently, a recent study by Dr. Lucy Cooke in American Journal of Clinical Nutrition (AJCN), managed to quantify the genetic and environmental influence on food neophobia^† in children. And the results do seem to support that dislike for certain new foods could be genetic.

^†It was interesting to read that food neophobia (fear of new foods) is an essential and possibly a survival skill: after all, we could not have had many cave babies heading out into the forest and putting anything and everything they found along the way into their mouths and live to tell the tale :)

While it is very tempting to mush down the sweet potato and disguise it somehow and pass it off along with another favorite food, and hopefully feel satisfied that it got into her system, it does not help her learn to like the sweet potato, so I prefer not to do it.

If the idea is to get Ana to try new foods and develop a liking for them and thereby establish a lifelong relationship with healthy foods, this strategy of morphing and sneaking it in feels counter-intuitive to me.

But, hey, as a mom, if that happens to be my last resort for my undernourished/underweight baby, I'll have to go for it!

Many days, I know I just need to eat for sustenance, but, my favorite pippali rasam and rice with green beans paruppusili seems unpalatable when served 3 times a day for even just 3 consecutive days.

Not because it is not healthy or tasty. Intellectually, as adults we can fathom that much. But, variety is the spice of life. And we eat with more than just the mouth - visual and olfactory senses complete our meal experience.

So, how can I expect to pick a battle with a mere child over this? She barely grazes most days. And sometimes, she sits with us for dinner and within seconds I can tell she will not eat another morsel but she still sits with us at the table till I clear the food away. Except, I save her portion, just in case... And, true enough, some days, she was just not ready even if the clock said so. And when I offer her the saved portion later, she polishes it off...

Anyway, keeping an eye on overall nutrition (instead of balancing every meal), offering healthy food choices and being consistent about it, accepting the fact that certain of our food presentations are going to be rejected and not taking it personally are a few things I have learnt so far, and am sure there is plenty more to learn as Ana grows up :)

p.s: Broccoli happens to be Ana's favorite - it is just a placeholder in this post for the dreaded/hated toddler food - whatever that might be in your case :D

p.p.s: just thought I'd add a note to clarify: the point is not to deny certain foods (ex: what we call junk, empty calories) but to restrict and find a balance... how can we help the child develop a good relationship with food so they make healthy choices is what I wanted to get across here :) And there is no easy answer - we can only keep teaching ourselves and our children...

Previous Poll Results

Découpage: tear, crumple, stick

Scrape down the sides and bottom of the yogurt tub, preferably with God-given fingers till not a lick of it is wasted?

Guilty.

Stick a piece of bread in and hold it against the side of the jam and peanut butter bottles turning it around slowly with even pressure to scour every last bit of the goodness clinging on adamantly?

Guilty.

Save the gift wrapping paper/scraps after wrapping/unwrapping, including the tissue and any reusable/recyclable materials?

Guilty.

Indeed, D frequently shakes his head in disbelief giving me the bemused look of was it worth all the trouble? when he catches me squeezing the last drop of juice out of the tiny shriveled and dessicated lime which gave up its ghost about 2 weeks ago but sat patiently in the fridge awaiting salvation... but, he hasn't ventured to call me on it. Thus far, it has just been the not-so-subtle rolling of the eyes and casual sniggers...

However, I felt slightly vindicated a few weeks back when D saw Ana working on her découpage: he recognized the papers she was using for decoration as left over gift wrappings and tissue papers that I pried out of his recycle-happy tentacles not too long ago.

Ana seems to have taken to what I call Tear, Crumple, Stick art work. So, without further ado, here is another toddler activity I hit upon by accident one weekend that seems to still ride the high wave of novelty with Ana.

Materials: scraps of tissue paper or gift wrapping paper, standard 8x11 card stock paper in any color, craft glue.

Method: Dot the card stock with glue, tear the fancy printed paper, paste on the glued area on card stock, as Ana demonstrates in the inimitable dainty style she adopts for arts and crafts work at home that is tediously slow yet potentially delightful for the onlooker :)

I know.. she is only 2½ and I am not sure I had this much co-ordination or attention span at that age... anyway, I dilute the glue with some water so Ana can smear it all over the paper to her heart's content, and optionally, let Ana crumple the paper a bit before sticking it on the card stock.

Well, the "finished" work doesn't look like much as you can see below. But, as D points out, it is "original", if nothing else :)

I Took the Moon for a Walk

I Took The Moon for a Walk

written by Carolyn Curtis

illustrated by Alison Jay

Imagine a full bright moon, with elegant legs and arms, reaching down from the sky, holding your hands and walking with you under the night sky, exploring the favorite spots in your neighborhood...

The rich illustrations evokes a magical night world in this book, and, accompanied by rhythmic verse has become a bedtime must-read over the last few weeks in our house.

"I warned the Moon to rise a bit higher
so it wouldn't get hooked on a church's tall spire,
While the neighborhood dogs made a train-whistle choir
when I took the Moon for a walk."

Each verse ends with the same eight words very reliably and reassuringly that after the third read, when I pause at the right place, Ana completes the verse gleefully.

And, Alison Jay, the illustrator, cleverly hides a few details not mentioned in the verse which promptly becomes a treasure hunt once we hit upon it. For instance, during the above verse, the moon loses a red shoe presumably hitting against the church spire, which the boy then recovers in a subsequent page.

The cool night blues are very soothing in the illustrations, pitted against some warm earthy hues down below. The language is lush and lyrical as well. Ana loves to have me repeat the "rust-bellied robins", "train-whistle choir" and such phrases, which are charming but challenging for her to repeat at this age...

I was attracted to this title as it is a Barefoot Books publication, but when I brought it home from the library initially, I was a little skeptical as I was not sure if it had more to offer than the delightful and dreamy illustrations. But, all that vanished within a couple of reads when the assonance in the prose makes it flow like a poem, simple yet elegant. The first verse:

"I took the moon for a walk last night,
it followed along like a still summer kite,
high in the sky through darkness and light,
when I took the moon for a walk."

caught me by surprise and didn't take long to grow on me (and Ana) so much so that I have had to request an extension so we don't have to return it to the library yet.

With 4-6 year olds, this book can lead into basic introduction to Nature, Science, Celestial Night Sky, and the more physical realities with the Moon Facts listed at the end of the book, while still preserving the imaginative and magical world personifying the moon through the motley illustrations that project the ethereal story of sorts.

For 2-4 year olds, where Ana falls, the illustrations are brilliant, and the verses are mellifluous and soothing. The illustrations tightly couple with the verse which make it easy for toddlers to follow along and improve their vocabulary: "Hand holding hand" shows the moon holding the boy's hand and willingly exploring... and it struck me that not too long ago was a full moon while Ana and I were driving home when she spotted it and joyfully noted that the moon is coming with us... until I had to make a turn and we missed the moon which made her wonder where did the moon go?

This review also available at Saffron Tree, a growing resource for Children's Books.

Home Schooling [October Poll]

For a while, before Ana came into our lives, I was quite fascinated with the concept of home schooling. With a freshly earned Master's in Science Education, I was green and gung-ho about being a noble teacher for the rest of my life.

But, over the years I have had the time think a lot more, and, of course, Life happened. Somewhere along my several years of dabbling in higher education, I realized how ingrained it is that many students are led to believe that "Those Who Can Do, Those Who Can't Teach"! And, so, I stepped away from teaching, despite knowing what a wonderful career my mom has had as a teacher.

To this day, when I walk along with her in our city when I visit her, we invariably run into some strapping lad/lass walking hurriedly, frantically waving to catch our attention and greet my mom with a "Hello Ma'm! Do you remember me?!", hoping she would immediately connect the acne-faced, precocious 11^th or 12^th grader to the confident young person standing in front of her, beaming, exuding success!

Strangely enough, 95% of the time, my mom actually remembers the name, the "batch", the whole class and even a few special incidents associated with that person.

Why I liked homeschooling?

• Flexibility: regarding curriculum, time-schedule, and assignments
• Tailoring: if I see my child inclined more towards one area, it gives me a chance to give individual attention and foster that trait better
• Safety: Not much peer pressure, no negative and bad influences to fall trap to easily and get distracted from educational goals
• Family Life: rather than revolve around the demands of school timing, homework and exams, getting educated revolves around the family needs and family priorities, and if there are siblings being home schooled as well, all the better, they can learn from each other without pressure
• Positive Attitude: learning could potentially become a joyful discovery rather than a chore and a stress-generator: children don't have to wake up an hour early to get ready and commute to school, don't have to deal with bullies and punishment, don't have to endure boredom that becomes part of school life sometimes
• Immediate Access to the Teacher: Instead of competing with 25-30 others and hoping to get the teacher's attention to clarify questions and help individual learning, home schooling gives immediate and unlimited access to the teacher without any associated fears that arise due to potential humiliation or spurning

I admire parents who have dedicated their lives, invested time and energy to equip themselves, and be responsible for their child's education. There is minimal disruptions and wasted time/effort in home schooling as there is no commuting time, recess, breaks between classes. Also, learning can happen at the student's pace - need not be slowed down or hurried as a part of 25-30 diversely equipped class mates. Another big advantage is to provide real-world examples and plan field trips which become difficult for a teacher of 25-30 students to organize and manage.

On the other hand, after much thinking, deliberating, reading up (and being shaken a bit by a documentary I watched last night which fueled my discomfort and prompted this post), I am convinced that the advantages of social schooling far outweigh the disadvantages that come up time and again.

Why I don't like homeschooling?

• Social Skills: whatever said and done, children need to be with peers for at least part of each day, preferably in a diverse group to help them understand how the world works and how best to get adjusted to it
• Potential Indoctrination: Being the only adult my children will interact with if I home schooled them, I am terrified that I will inadvertently and unavoidably disseminate my ideologies as the only right one and subconsciously discourage free thinking
• Lack of Expertise: Can I truly claim to have mastery over all areas of academics to guide my children through the learning process without fumbling around? Why not leave it to the experts (like my mom) who have dedicated their lives to constantly gaining knowledge in their field and training themselves in effective ways to help children discover the knowledge and themselves in the process?
• My Personal Limitations: I may not be able to afford the resources for effective teaching/learning, and I may find out that Patience and Stamina are not my strong traits
• Developing Special Skills: Leadership skills, Negotiating and Mediating skills, Management facilitation skills and such are better identified and allowed to blossom when doing group projects among peers in a social school setting

Anyway, over the years, I have come to appreciate the advantages of formal schooling away from home. Being a product of it myself, and not having experienced home schooling much, I have had this discussion with many colleagues and class mates over the years so I can get a variety of view points.

And, that is exactly one reason I don't like home schooling: no matter how hard I try, I cannot expose my children to a wide array of views by keeping them at home and directing their education, because "Education" is not just acquiring knowledge that has already been accumulated, it involves social skills, critical thinking, knowledge processing, creative expression, reasoning, analyzing, inferring and adapting to environment. Plus much more that I am not able to succinctly convey here...

Socrates argued that education is about drawing out what was already within the student. I remember reading that the word education comes from the Latin e-ducere meaning "to lead out."

One of the early facts that struck me while working on my Master's in Science Education was that the dictionary meaning of the word Education adds little to what is believed to be Education and what Educators strive for. A few quotes gleaned from browsing around:

The central task of education is to implant a will and facility for learning; it should produce not learned but learning people. The truly human society is a learning society, where grandparents, parents, and children are students together. ~Eric Hoffer

No one has yet realized the wealth of sympathy, the kindness and generosity hidden in the soul of a child. The effort of every true education should be to unlock that treasure. ~Emma Goldman

The aim of education should be to teach us rather how to think, than what to think — rather to improve our minds, so as to enable us to think for ourselves, than to load the memory with the thoughts of other men. ~Bill Beattie

So, dear readers, this is a prelude to my October Poll: If you are already home schooling your children, or planning to, please let me know by answering the poll question on the right side bar.

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Poll Results:



September 2007 Poll & Results

p.s: As for me, my personal choice is not to home school as I feel inadequate and unsure about success, plus I strongly feel home schooling is not a viable option given my current circumstances in life... I do believe in supplementing school education at home and not leave all the burden/responsibility on school teachers. My parents, my brother and even sometimes my cousins and friends helped me learn many things that I didn't quite understand from classroom sessions, so, I am sure Ana will survive social schooling just fine...

teaching consequences

"Theeth you finem evryvay
on mountaintops an inna a..."

THUMP!

"vun kicket jumpinina thicket..."

THUMP! CRASH!

"Cleo wakes
Cleo winks..."

THUMP! THUMP!

So fall the board books I had just stacked on the coffee table a few moments ago, finding them all over the floor and sofa earlier. I try to explain to Ana that books should not be strewn about and should be neatly arranged, and entice her to help me pick them up.

She pretends to help, then asks me to go away so she can "read" in peace.

Except, she reads a few arbitrary lines and dashes the book to the ground again!

"Ana! Pick up the book please!" gets a vehement "No!"

So, in keeping with D and my philosophy of teaching consequences, I remind her, "Do you want to go to your room?" which she apparently understands as not a particularly attractive prospect, so, pipes in sweetly, "Noaaa... amma", and I follow up with, "Well, pick up the books then and put them away, please."

Constantly pushing the limits, Ana runs off behind the sofa without picking up the book. So, I follow her, pick her up and tell her that if she does not pick the book up, she has to go to her room. After one whole minute, she simply does not budge, so, I hold her hand, walk her to her room, tell her she has to stay in the room till I count to 10 as she did not pick up her book, and I close the door.

Glass-shattering scream fortunately^† tells me she is not happy with this. So, after counting to 10, I bring her out and ask her if she wants to pick up her books. And she does it without protest. I hug her and tell her that was sweet and that she should take care of her books and not throw them hereafter. She pretends to understand and goes off to play with her dolls.

^† "fortunately" because, if she *likes* going to her room and enjoys being left there, it would defeat our purpose of attaching undesirable consequence to an undesirable action :)

Another time, D gave her some juice as usual... Generally, we have asked her to leave the used cups on the dining table or on the kitchen counter. She obliges. Sometimes, she even surprises me by opening the dishwasher door and dropping the cup in there unceremoniously. Well, it is the thought that counts... so that's okay :)

But, needing to test the limits again, Ana throws the cup on the floor when she is done with the drink; and when D in an even tone reminds her, "We don't throw cups on the floor Ana, pick it up please", she emphatically says, "NO, appa!" and tries to run off behind the sofa again.

D picks her up, gives her one more chance, and then, tells her she has to stand in the corner until she is ready to pick up and put her cup away. She protests, but, he picks her up and puts her in the only safe corner we have by the shoe closet.

She stands there for a few seconds and then when I remind her, "Ana could you please pick up the cup and put it for wash now?" she promptly picks it up and runs to the kitchen and throws it into the kitchen sink like a basketball shot!

All this happened several months ago. Similar events have been happening on and off since she turned two, when we decided consciously that we need to teach her that her actions have consequences.

Punishment sounds cruel and deliberately hurtful. So, we just try to show her that undesirable actions have undesirable consequences. Nothing harsh. But, something probably not enjoyable. Simple. Right?!

And, usually, one "stand in the corner" or "go to your room" per undesirable action is all she needs to confirm that limits are set and rigid as far as that goes:)

At least now it is working as intended. When we started the "stand in the corner" consequence, having only the shoe closet corner safe where we can keep an eye on her, it seemed futile when she would simply bend down or reach over, pick out one of my shoes and try them on while singing to herself, all the while dutifully staying close to the corner as instructed, but visibly enjoying herself!

Fortunately, it only takes her once, or twice at the most, to test the limits of a particular action. Once she understands that a certain action/behavior of hers is not acceptable and we establish it with "That's not OK, Ana. We don't do that because..." logic, she seems satisfied, and ready to put that knowledge to practice.

So much so that, when I try to pick out the knots in her hair when she doesn't want me to, she confidently states, "Amma, that hurts! that's not OK, don't pull knots in my hair!" Naturally, I leave her alone, not wanting to find out if she follows it with, "Want to go to your room, Amma?"

Autumn at last...

Finally Autumn, promising its colorful glory, is here! I love Fall season for two reasons which understandably blend my backgrounds: September through December is the Festival Season in India with Krishna Jayanthi, Ganesha Chathurthi, Navrathri, Deepavali, Kaarthi and so on... also, it is the season of Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas here.

I Love Christmas Season - it feels like the best time of the year! Although we don't get much snow here in the Willamette Valley, I love the chill cold crisp air during the season (a bit too wet sometimes, but, that's okay)... a gorgeous fire roaring in the fireplace, some warm home-made cider or hot buttered rum, some cheerful songs, and the spirits are up! I know... it's still too early, but, I can't wait for December:)


Ana was quite fascinated with her first pumpkin twice her size easily and promptly started sucking on it as was her custom during those days :)

When she was just an infant, I remember how easy it was to cuddle her and rock back and forth to calm her down. Now, she is quite irritable, disagreeable and edgy as expected from a toddler.

So, I try to distract her with books and stories. She loves stories where I mention 'Ana' and a few of her favorite toys like Enid paapaa, Boo Boo Bunny, Lallo (Yellow) Bear and so on. Sometimes the story is about Enid paapaa wanting to go potty, sometimes it is the bear who tried to go touch the moon in the sky... The problem is of course, these are make-up-as-I-go-along stories and she hangs on every turn and later asks me to repeat the story, understandably getting upset at the revised version I inadvertently present at each repetition!

Thankfully, D volunteered to get Ana in bed tonight so I decided to write this little post before I retired myself... G'night!

some days just happen...

Usually, I work in spurts, I don't have stamina and am sort of temperamental... so, there are several consecutive days when I cook, craft, clean, sew, what-not, and then feel spent, so, I just sit back and catch my breath for the next few days, doing practically nothing other than going to work, coming home, presenting dinner, and finishing up daily chores..

Tharini's Quirky Nicknames, Boo's Indian Writing, Kodi's Mom's request about toys that were a hit with Ana are a few things on my list... I have been meaning to collect my thoughts on them and at least save them as draft soon, but, when I sit down to blog, I usually have one specific theme in mind and decide to blurt out my thoughts on them and move on to other chores around the house that seem to need my attention...

Anyway, today, Ana and I had a blast of a Sunday morning so, I decided to record it here for the days when I feel inadequate as a mom, and as a person, so I can try not to beat myself up too much...

Around 6:30 am Ana's delicate coos and chirps piped in via the baby monitor sitting by my bed and after a few minutes of soft comfort, the jarring "Amma! Cummere... cummere plaise..." reluctantly induced me out of bed.

I lazily picked her up from her bed, hugged her tight, greeting her with a "Good Morning, raani kutty, my little honey pot!" and set her on her little divan promising the first dose of coffee juice (Ovaltine), which she seems to relish more than anything.

Ana's routine in the mornings is to sip her coffee juice while "reading" her favorite books. After handing her coffee juice, I settled on the sofa to sip my cup of coffee and bask in the teeny voice reciting words from her books aloud confidently, knowing it is a weekend and I don't have to rush, wondering what to make for breakfast and what activities to do with her...

After a simple breakfast of toast+homemade jam and scrambled eggs with peas and carrots for Ana, I decided to let her have some physical play, some exercise of sorts, while I warmed up my muscles by following her around with a camera. She hopped around on her little pony for a while, and then jumped around in her room, playing with her toys and singing some songs.

Then, it seemed like it was time for some Art. When I was little, I enjoyed making potato stamps and suchlike. With that in mind, I had saved the bottom portion of a bunch of bok choy to use for some painting/stamping projects - bottom parts of lettuce and greens bunch make very interesting flower patterns :-) Anyway, I didn't get around to using it yet, so, I decided to introduce the fun of using vegetables for Art by letting Ana stamp and paint with the bok choy bottom. She had a blast. She stamped and painted with it for about 15-20 minutes, and I stole a few moments to make this short movie of her.

Of course, the lighting is poor in my morning videos as the sun hadn't started streaming in...

Then, we did some "sticker art" as she loves these foam stickers I found a while back in bulk: we make up a story as she removes the backing meticulously and pastes the sticker in her "art notebook". If it is a bee sticker, we wonder where it came from, and where it might want to go, and what noise it would make when it goes... if it is a lamb sticker, similar thing... maybe recite a nursery rhyme or two involving sheep - baa baa black sheep, or little bo peep... you get the idea:-)

Then, she wanted to make a parrot. So, we sat down and I drew a rough outline on a cardstock paper, and dotted it with some glue, and let her create her own parrot. As before, she enjoyed putting the googly-eye in! She kept taking it off, asking for more glue, and then putting the googly-eye back on!

She was so proud of it, she went looking for D to show it off!

Then, we enjoyed some outdoor play in the garden, when I got some weeding and cleaning up done in the backyard.

Back inside, we had a small snack of nuts and juice. It was close to 10:30 by now, still about an hour before lunch and naptime.

So, we decided to start winding down a bit and have some relaxing bubble play. This is a special game Ana and I enjoy and I was happy to have devised it for her by accident: I have this Foot Spa thingy ( a generous gift from my parents) that I rarely use. We spread a vinyl mat on the floor, add a little water to this foot spa thingy, plug it in, add a few drops of bubble bath soap and turn it on to bubble&vibrate setting. This starts the fun.

Gurgling and sloshing accompany this huge tower of bubble that rises up almost to 2 feet, which Ana and I then disperse messily either by hand or pails or cups; even try making shapes with it and such. This went on for nearly 30 minutes non-stop. When the bubble dies down, we'd turn on the spa again and make another bubble tower and happily create a mess.

Now, when I say mess, it is not really bad. Ana, fortunately, is a dainty little prissy. So, she rarely gets things messy enough for me to consider it a mess. And, she insists on having a towel or wipe handy when she is doing art or water play! Go figure!


Well, she is having her lunch now: cooked chick peas, steamed and flavored veggies, rice and yogurt. So I decided to write a quick post about the activities so far. Hopefully, she won't protest too much and will take a nap soon after lunch so I can cook something fun and add the recipe to my recipe collection.

Leopard, leopard

Towards the end of last year, I had posted about Ana's first visit to the Oregon Zoo. We had our reservations, but, Ana had a lot of fun.

An opportunity presented itself to take her to the Oregon Zoo again a few days ago: we were given free tickets:-) As D had things to attend to in the morning, I decided to take Ana first and if possible, D will meet us there at the Zoo, so we can come back home together.

I prepared Ana that morning, "City bus la eri, apparam train la eri, Zoo kku polam, OK?" (We'll take the city bus, then the train, and go to the Zoo, OK?). She got quite excited as she has this San Diego Zoo DVD with okapi and wallaby and hedgehog and such, so, she knew she would get to see animals. She asked several times to make sure she will get to see elephants and bears. All I could say was, "We'll see... maybe they will decide to hide and we won't be able to find them"...

We hopped on the bus, transferred to the train, and after about 45 minutes journey which Ana thoroughly enjoyed, we arrived at the Zoo. We had a lot of fun. We naturally made a beeline for the elephants area and watched them eat for a while.

A polar bear graced us with its performance of peeing in the pool, standing on the shore, with its read end in our plain sight. Ana could not let it go. She kept repeating, "Pola bay pee pee inna pool, amma, uh-oh...", it was quite funny to hear her sincere and worried tone...

She loved the bald eagles, and bears, and wild cats. Even without our help, she made the connection between how similar the leopard's playing was to our kitties' playing at home! Here's a short movie I took of the Leopard playing...

Leopard at Oregon Zoo

Then, D finally managed to meet us at the Zoo. We were at this little pond with ducks, egrets and what-not. There was a manual/book with pictures to help identify the birds and learn more about them, conveniently at kids' height. How thoughtful! Ana waited her turn, got to the book, flipped through and landed on the page with a picture of egret, then, got our attention, pointed to the egret sitting on a branch over the pond in front of us and exclaimed "Look, appa! This one! Bird! This one!" pointing to the picture in the book. That made it worthwhile.

It was way past her nap time and she was quite tired and we had to really call it a day after 4 hours at the Zoo. By the time we strapped her in the car seat and pulled out, she nodded off, dreaming about leopards and elephants and peeing polar bears, I am sure :-)

Vinayaka Chathurthi

Almost a year ago, I had pondered on this subject of celebrating festivals...

Among the few festivals I manage to celebrate to my satisfaction since Ana arrived, Vinayaka Chathurthy is significant, a few others being Gokula Ashtami, Navarathri, Deepavali, Arudra/Thiruvadirai, Karthigai, Karadayan Nonbu and, of course, Vishu - the New Year.

Apart from the symbolism and the ceremony, each festival has its own special menu. What inspires me nowadays to celebrate many of the festivals I grew up with is: mellow and subdued observances we have established at home, solemn, meaningful and simple rituals, quite modest and austere, and of course, the opportunity to present the festival menu items for Ana's sampling...

Poorna Kozhakattai Recipe

Unfortunately, Ana is down with something, probably a combination of things: her daycare cautioned us that there is a stomach virus going around the center that causes diarrhea, plus, Ana has been suffering a bout of cold for about a week now which has climaxed to hacking cough when she is horizontal... so, she was not in the mood at all today to get dolled up in traditional clothes and join me in the simple ceremony, like she was for Gokula Ashtami a few weeks ago.

But, she did sit with me for the nivedhyam followed by neerajanam. And gleefully tried the poorna kozhakattai, aka modakam afterwards.

playing nice

Run, jostle, scream, scud, crawl, climb, slide down, plunge, hustle, crowd, scramble, bleat, squeal, amble, scurry, skip, jump.

Repeat.

It is indeed fun to watch the wee ones going about their business of being, well, wee, in the play ground.

Now, I rarely go to the mall, and when I do, I take Ana to the bookstore that she knows like the back of her palm, so much so that when we get there she makes a beeline for the kids' section and picks out the books she wants to read in the first round, and then we hurry back straight home when we are done.

But, last evening, knowing D will be late, plus the weather being chilly, I decided to take Ana to the little kids' Indoor Play Area in the mall so I can sit back, catch my breath after a long work week, and organize the tasks in my head for Ganesha Chathurthy the next day, after our session at the bookstore.

This particular play area is for little kids say infants upto toddlers - the right kind for Ana and younger ones. The posted rules clearly indicate the area is for kids 42" and under, and please no shoes, no food or drinks, and no kids should be left unsupervised there. All well and good. For the safety of all the tiny tots, naturally. Except, it only works when every single parent there follows the same posted rules.

When I took Ana in, it was boisterous and crowded, and I was hesitant to add to the melee. But, her heart was set on the slide that looks like a tree and so, I took her shoes off and planted her on the carpet, allowing her to get acclimatized and venture out to play when she felt ready.

She mustered her courage, waited her turn, but, there were big kids - over 42" easily - running around and around, leaping up the 3 or 4 little steps up to the top of the slide and rushing down, only to do it again, and not allowing others to get in.

So, I nudged Ana on to go sit on the little turtle, which seemed less popular among that rambunctious crowd. She patiently waited her turn, and when it was empty, promptly climbed on, turned back, looked at me triumphantly and I was all agog, smiles and cheers, when one of the boys running around noisily jumped on top of the turtle ignoring Ana's presence and almost knocked her down.

Well, almost. So, I figured, no harm done, she is fine, she needs to learn to play among other kids - preferably her own age and size, but, Life is not always like that, and we do what we can. I didn't want to be an over-protective mommy, although the crowd there seemed unruly enough that the Teacher in me took over and wanted me to remind them that we always try to Play Nice. [Yes, indeed, I used to teach college kids, but, college kids are usually just overgrown babies, in my experience anyway, with a few exceptions, like yours truly ;-) ].

And then, seeing a subtle lull around the slide, Ana clambered up the steps and braced herself, to position herself correctly in order to slide down on her butt, when all of a sudden an-easily-4-plus-yr-old boy leapt up from behind, pushed her down, sending Ana headfirst down the slide!!

I was appalled! Nobody noticed it and reminded him not to do that!! No adult! I was expecting his parent to supervise and teach him not to do that. So, I took matters into my own hands and suggested, "We don't push, OK?", "Let's wait our turn..."

I rushed around and picked up the bewildered Ana and checked to make sure she was OK. When caught unawares, wee ones can't right themselves and prevent hurting themselves badly... Anyway, thankfully, she recovered after a few minutes of hugs and kisses, and although she kept pointing to her head repeating, "Owwie", I didn't see any visible bumps.

So, I parked her on my lap for a bit on the sofa arranged on the inside perimeter of the play area, along the walls.

Right then, one of the mommies walked in with hot dogs and ice cream, parked herself next to me and called out to her two boys - one of whom was the one who just pushed Ana down the slide!!

I mean!! Not only does this mom leave her older boys in a kids play area, she leaves them unsupervised, and brings back food into the play area!

Now, all were not that way, but it only takes a few bad apples to spoil the barrel...

The mom to my left was ever-vigilant, and when her boy almost stepped on a crawling wobbling baby, she called out to him, insisted that he stop, come to her "NOW!", so she can talk to him. She held him in a hug and explained to him that when there are little ones he should be extra careful. I really admired the way she explained to him. Didn't yell at him, didn't accuse him of bad behavior, just reminded him to Play Nice.

The action got a little out of control for me, and I was just too tired after a long day at work, so, I packed up Ana and wandered out of the play area. It is indeed a shame when parents don't teach their children right from wrong.

Now, I do not believe that a child is inherently bad or good, normally. Of course there are exceptions - I was reading about this frightful condition called Attachment Disorder where a child could potentially not develop Empathy, the all-powerful emotion needed to turn on the little voice in our heads that is our Conscience... I am digressing, more on that in another post...

Anyway, I believe every child starts out good. They learn behaviors as they grow. I believe there are desirable behaviors that equate to good, and undesirable behaviors that equate to bad. I believe in this as it gives me Hope, it convinces me that the world is a good place to begin with. And I believe as parents, we have a huge responsibility of identifying and explaining undesirable behavior to our kids as they grow up, and discourage them effectively, else we'll have half the world becoming bullies and the rest attempting to play Fair and Nice quite fruitlessly...

Anyway, I was pretty fuming when I related this to D, when in his characteristic way he offered a solution:"Call the mall security next time this happens"!!

Ha!! I am not the kind to bring a sledgehammer to crack a peanut. I prefer attempting a peaceful and non-confrontational solution. But, at times, some mommies take such offense to another parent even suggesting something nice to their children, especially when they are not doing their part in the first place, that it makes me not want to bother anymore... I would be glad if another mommy tells Ana not to be a bully, if ever they catch her being one before I do that is! It is a Community that raises a happy, healthy child...

I just needed to get this off my system. So there! Done!

Am off to get things ready for Ganesha Chathurthy...

the eternal rush

It is close to 7:30 in the morning and we are clearly running a little behind as Ana has not had her breakfast yet, D has not toasted the English muffin we usually grab and go for breakfast on the road, I have not got myself fully ready yet - there's always the hair to get done, and the final wipe down with wet cloth where Ana's snot manages to lodge itself from a few minutes ago when she decided to give an impromptu hug that will keep me skipping all through the day thinking about...

And, while getting our respective shoes on, we tell Ana to get hers on. She wanders around leisurely to find the matching pair she usually hides separately around the house. D and I being otherwise occupied with our respective morning chores, we let her get on with the shoe-donning pageant till one of us can look into speeding it up.

Then, she sits down slowly, sticking one foot in and deciding her socks are not sitting just right, and her anklets seem to be caught in the socks, and somehow, things have to be started from scratch again...

So, she gradually pries her sock free and tries to put it back on... all the while pressure mounting as I watch the clock ticking away, and worry about getting stuck in traffic, thereby being a little late for work, and having to stay late to wrap it all up.

But, Ana, in her own little surreal world where clocks drip away and Time is only a whimsical concept, decides to take the shoes and run off to her room making D follow her in an aggravated and frenzied attempt to get her ready and strapped to the car seat so we can get going...

...while I rummage through the chaos in the fridge and ferret out the lunch boxes (thankfully there's always some leftovers packed the previous night) and put them in respective bags, and head out to the garage to get our respective coffee mugs in to fill with what's left in the coffee pot so we can re-fuel ourselves on the way to work.

Every little mundane activity takes on Herculean proportions when racing against the clock to be somewhere else, doing something else.

After what seems like a tornado has zipped by, the house settles into a quiet dullness as the garage door slides shut and we are on our way to meet the challenges another day has to offer.

First we drop off Ana at her daycare, Ana still clutching her piece of English muffin and a quarter of a jelly sandwich which she insisted she could not leave home without... no time for extended hugs and bye-byes, so, I park her on the mat by the toy shelf and fill out her toddlergram eyeing the door and slipping out in secret haste lest Ana spies me and detains me for comfort. The chat with her care-giver has to wait till evening...

Then, D drops me off at the nearest bus stop or as close as possible without straying far from his route to work which is about 25 minutes away at non-peak hour, but will probably be twice as much or more now, considering we weren't racing fast enough this morning.

As I wait for the bus, ride it, alight at my stop, and walk over to my office, I catch my breath wondering what Life is all about.

We endlessly rush from here to there, with ingrained and indisputable importance of Time, a sense of urgency instilled right from infancy, and our lives carefully regimented so much so that sitting back and throwing a fishing line in and waiting patiently at the shore for a bite seems like a wasted lifetime...

And apparently, invariably, we wake up one fine morning, wondering how Time Flies By as we watch the extraordinary teenager walking out the door on her way to meet the day's challenges, guilt gnawing at our innards wondering if we gave enough time for our baby to just be.

C'est la vie?

potty training enterprise 1

At about 18-20 months we started introducing the potty concept to Ana and bought her a little potty.

She would sit on it with her clothes on. And, I would take her with me when I needed to go and she would sit and pretend to make a deposit, unsuccessfully...

This went on fine for a while and she agreed to go diaper-free most evenings when we get back home. But, she still didn't actually make an effort to deposit.

So, D bought her this Go, Girl, Go Potty! book, which seemed to have some positive influence on her and she immediately caught on about sitting on the potty bare-bottomed and then washing her hands with soap and water afterwards.

Still no consistent deposit even after 2-3 months of cajoling. And, I did not believe in forcing her as she ended up crying a lot and hating the experience... pretty counter-productive!

Then, D rented this Potty Power DVD from Netflix for her. It seemed to have caught her attention. The songs are catchy, the kids were fun and she seemed to get the concept by now. Just not the motivation.

To help with the motivation factor, seeing her sticker fancy, we even set up a system where she gets a sticker to put on her potty when she makes a successful liquid or solid waste deposit.

Which seemed to work for a while - she collected about half a dozen stickers in a row and then not sure what happened, she decided to protest.

She started holding until it was diaper time and no amount of patient encouragement induced her to try peeing/pooping in the potty. The holding got quite extreme that she ended up constipating herself!

Then, we eased up a little, and tried again after a week or so. She would sit on the potty, quite happily, and read her books too, but, would simply hold it in - the stubborn monkey!

If we catch her sneaking off to a corner behind the sofa and grunting and straining, and ask her to come and sit on the potty, she would scream and ask us to go away and start holding it in again... so, we had to really back off for a while.

Anyway, then D kept playing this Japanese video from YouTube for her and she seemed to want to try again and she has been making progress...

It would help if she gets consistent and intensive training, but, daycare doesn't seem to offer that service - with their hands full minding several kids, I am sure the daycare care-givers would groan and protest if parents want to tack on this added responsibility to them.

So, we have been doing what little we can on evenings and weekends...

My contention has been that she will outgrow this diaper phase in her own time (hopefully by age 3) and that I needn't worry about it too much. As an incentive, much against my wish^†, I got her Elmo™ and Hello Kitty™ panties which she seems eager to wear all evening, till bedtime even, most days. My mom doesn't remember really putting much effort into potty training us - when we had to go, we went, and got washed up - so did the floor and what-not.

^†My mom sent about two dozen bloomer-style soft cotton panties from India with generic flower patterns, in pretty colors, sold at about 3 panties per dollar, but, somehow, these character-panties sold at about 3 panties for six dollars seem to have won by sheer Marketing ploy and through extended exposure at daycare.

But, D is convinced that without dedicated training and effort, it will not happen. And, he cannot wait for her to be fully potty trained - he hates buying diapers, but daycare insists on disposable diapers for hygiene and convenience, naturally.

We probably will intensify the approach around Thanksgiving break when we have a few days off and can consistently remind her to go and try...

We'll see how that goes...

Oregon State Fair

Grandpa and Grandma decided to treat their grand kids to a fun day at the Oregon State Fair. But, of course, they cannot manage the four grandkids by themselves, so the respective parents got to go along!

This is Ana's first fair and she was very excited. Plus, she got to see her cousins - she always loves that.

Ana is too little to go on rides, so, D took our 7-yr old niece to the rides, my brother-in-law took my nephew (his son) with him for other boyish activities, so that my sis-in-law with her littlest K, and me with Ana could take the two little girls around and let them win some games and prizes and such. The girls are about six months apart and seem to like each other:-)

They got their face painted. They held hands and walked together like they were best friends or something! Briefly, of course... which was still nice, as we don't get to do this often.

The face-painters weren't sure how Ana would take it as this is her first time, so, they tried it on her arm first, which seemed to make all the difference - she was curious and excited.

The little girls played a few of the games where "everybody wins a prize" - but Ana was too short to even look over the edge and see the toys she was supposed to grab, so, D had to help her a bit. No harm.

There was the usual snapping frogs, floating ducks and such games where the prize is usually some stuffed toy. We didn't want a ton of stuffed toys again at home, so, we let her play maybe 3 or 4 such games and then headed over to the animal pavilion.

I know I should get into the spirit of the thing, but, am always too practical - and I start thinking, hm... for the amount you pay to play a turn, you can buy two stuffed toys at the store... you actually end up buying the darn prize... but, as I don't do this everyday, and am not sure when I will do it next, I set aside my bean-counting brain and let her have some fun.

Like they show in movies and such, I associated this first fair experience for Ana with D winning a monstrously huge stuffed toy which wouldn't fit in our car and we wouldn't know how to lug it home... So, I naturally asked D if he was going to win anything big for Ana, when in his characteristically logical way, he pointed out that he used to work at fairs minding the games and that the odds are stacked so that you have to play several times to win, by which time you have paid probably twice over for the large stuffed toy!

So much for Made For Each Other, and Romance!

There was jousting match which we had to skip as it wasn't fun for the little ones. The part I enjoyed most was the quilts/crochet/crafts exhibits hall. It was like candy land for me - amazing designs and creativity... I came back awed - many items that were displayed were award-winners in various competitions around the state.

Of course, Ana was too excited to think about naps, and we had to call it a day when I saw her walking dazed and listless - there is such a thing a too much fun - and the minute we strapped her in her car seat she was limp from exhaustion, and by the time we pulled out of the parking lot she was fast asleep after a grand day of fun.

blueberry morning

I was sifting through some old photos of Ana and found this one when we had taken her berry picking last year (2006). She had fun, even though it was a hot day.

We've been going to the farms in Sauvie Island pretty much every year for the last several years to pick berries in summer and get some produce as well. We go to Hood River fruit loop as well sometimes, but Sauvie Island is closer to where we live and offers hiking, birdwatching and other activities...

Anyway, last year, Ana was just one plus and too young to help us pick enough for our stash.

But, this year, since she has gone to the farms on and off, and loves to pet the animals there - and watch the bunnies, chicks, llamas, cows, ponies and such - when we told her we were going to the farm to pick blueberries one fine morning last month, she got very excited.

She insisted on picking out her outfit for the trip, and dressing herself! Don't need your help, thank you Amma!

Thankfully, most of her pants and skirts are elastic waist and she is quite adept at dressing herself right down to socks and shoes - thanks to the velcro™ straps on her shoes.

[What's a little more disturbing is, she can actually put on her diaper herself - even if not perfectly! Why disturbing, you ask? Well, it has to wait for the (series of) post(s) on potty training enterprise...]

The head band is her new thing - any hair accessory basically has caught her fancy - she loves hair clips a lot and rubber bands...

Anyway, this year, it was more productive as she really helped. Once we showed her she must pick only the blue/purple ones and not the green ones, she caught on. We usually take our own flat, with pint cartons. So we gave her her own pint carton and asked her to collect the blueberries in them, and when it was full, she can go leave it in the flat box.



Of course, it took her forever to fill one pint carton as for every three berries that went into the carton, one ended up in her mouth!

We managed to get quite a few blueberries and freeze about 2 or 3 gallon bags full. And I managed to make a few fresh blueberry goodies, plus canned another batch of blueberry jam this year.

This blueberry coffee cake is very simply and quite light. Here's my recipe for blueberry coffee cake, and other simple stuff!