Happy Mother's Day, 2017!

While part of me automatically dismisses "made-up holidays", I haven't found a strong enough reason not to get swept up in the celebrations that kids put together for Mother's Day.

Of course, every day is Mother's Day and Father's Day,  Grandma's Day and Grandpa's Day,  Daughter's Day and Son's Day,  Brother's Day and Sister's Day... And, not all of us can make every day special for all those someones we care deeply about.

Being a staunch Wish List advocate, we've always kept a running wish list for each of us, kids included. Some of the items, we have to work for it ourselves, and some of it can be given to us by others. Oddly enough, most of my wish list items turn out to be generally for the family, not just exclusively for me... every once in a while, I'll have a camera accessory or car accessory or a garden accessory on the wish list that nobody else cares about, and feel extremely thrilled when I get it as a gift exclusively for me.

I am rambling already....

Speaking of Mother's day, the kids declared; "Mama, you like hikes, so, for Mother's Day, that's what you are getting as your present."

So we went hiking, on a trail that was quite deserted but for small game, and drank in the beauty of nature and its wildlife.

The best part for me is, kids hang out with the dad on the trail, and I get to walk at my pace, stopping for pictures, letting my thoughts wander and generally trying to let go of the constant stress I feel to balance everything I am juggling.

One of the thoughts that nagged me throughout this walk, no matter how hard I tried to push it away, is this ever-present one: Why can't we as a society find a better balance for raising families in a constructive and positive way, while allowing for parents to pursue their professional careers with all the support they need.

For example, trendy companies offer dog room and gym and cafeteria and other comforts for their employees. In my Utopia, these companies will also offer Montessori-based childcare for K-12! 

The biggest struggle that we face as working parents is to find a safe place for kids to be when we are not with them as we are pursuing our own professionally fulfilling lives outside of domestic environment.

School of course is only 9 to 3 in my district, with 1-hour late start on Wednesdays. 

As employees, we owe it to our employers to honor our commitment of not just x hours of work, but our commitment to high quality of productive and efficient contribution.

The other adult and I are constantly facing the challenge of being in two places at once: be at the office to interface with our teams and have interpersonal interactions that foster team spirit for the standard office hours, and at the same time, find a way to be there for the kids so they are not latchkey kids.

And, understandably, this thought has begun to nag me even more now that nearly 12 weeks of Summer holidays are looming large on the horizon. Not all kids are wired to attend summer camps; and even if they are, not all parents can juggle the logistics of dropping them off and picking them up at odd hours, while still trying to be at their jobs that will help pay for these expensive summer camps.

Agreed, some of us are lucky to have employers who support flexible schedules as long as employees can be productive contributors. Some of our jobs permit telecommuting and helps us collaborate with our team via advanced technology, while managing our kids' summer break somehow. But what about those others who have no flexibility? 

Anyway, I am rambling again... If there was an easy solution, we wouldn't be where we are now...

Back to Mother's Day, where I started: I was grateful to savor the made-from-scratch  "Mama's Special" Pizza that the other adult is well-known for. So, what's in Mama's Special: Eggplant, kale, onions, bell peppers, tomatoes, pineapple, feta. Not much mozzarella or cheddar as Mama does not like pizzas smothered in cheese. And it is fairly thin crust. And the sauce is home-made to Mama's liking with just the right touch of home-garden oregano. And, best of all, it is not made by Mama!

Mother's Day Hike!

"What do you like for Mother's Day, Mama?" asked the ten year old a few weeks ago.

I like her spirit: in addition to what she likes to do for me, she always asks what I'd like, and tries to accommodate my likes.

Being a compulsive list-maker, there is a running Wish List handy at home, to which I keep adding items that catch my fancy, and occasionally remove some that no longer interest me.

So, I printed out about 10 things that would be nice to do/have for Mother's Day and stuck it on the fridge, not expecting any of them to be fulfilled, if at all. Some were homemade gifts like sugar scrub, others were store-bought utility items for the kitchen like the much-needed wooden cutting board to replace the broken one.

I've noticed that if I am not specific, the Other Half does not waste time finding ways to surprise me with "things". Not because he is lazy, but because I am difficult. Notoriously difficult - in terms of others splurging on me or going to too much trouble for me. I actively discourage such generosity sometimes, much to the annoyance of near and dear. No fancy jewelry or purse or shoes or outfits for me. I have a minimal wardrobe and when I need to replace something, I find it myself at the price I am willing to pay for it.

However, I am rather easy to please. Handmade things and Simple gestures make me wildly, tearfully grateful.

Anyway, as the little girl and I love to get our fill of eye-candy from Pinterest, we had pored over Mason Jar Gift Ideas a while back. So, one of my Wish List items was a mason jar gift with things I'd like. Not stuffed with candy and junk, but things that I would truly enjoy using. And I was quite thrilled with what the ten year old gave me:

Not only did she throw together decaf & herbal teas, candles, lip balm and soap, she also sewed a rice bag microwaveable heating pad with grey fleece outer covering to remind me of our soft fluffy kitty.

Plus, attached coupons that she created with Picmonkey. No cooking for a whole weekend! No dishes for a week!! 15 minute Foot Massage!!! I was smiling away just thinking about using these coupons soon. Oh, and there was also a coupon for a dessert of my choice and a coupon to go watch a movie of my choice!

And, while it was not a total surprise, it was not on my Wish List either. The evening before, I was asked to disappear for an hour or so and leave her alone in the kitchen. Which I did, after I asked Papa to keep an eye on the proceedings. That's how I knew something's cooking. I woke up to a plateful of homemade chocolate covered strawberries, some of them sitting in a chocolate cup.

Coupons are a big thing this year. Kids got some for Valentine's Day and their Birthdays. So, making some coupons for Mama would be an easy gift that she'll love, right?

The seven year old (who needs to work on his handwriting) made these 4 coupons for me: "Free massage", "Free food", "Free nap", and "Free all three"!! I keeled over laughing, much to his puzzlement. "What, Mama? Why are you laughing? You like food and nap, right? What's so funny about the coupons? I made them just for you!"

The highlight was the 10-mile hike. Yes, Ten Miles roundtrip! This was on my Wish List, of course. We climbed the Tom, Dick & Harry mountain - a slightly steep uphill climb of about 5 miles with elevation gain of 1700 feet. The stop at the Mirror Lake along the way was wonderful. The views were breathtaking. The climb was a bit brutal for the 7 year old but he managed fine. The whole roundtrip including stops for views and pictures took us 4 hours, four amazing hours of being one with nature and forgetting everything else.

Not that we don't hike otherwise or find ways to appreciate each other otherwise, but, it was nice to sit back and enjoy the experience on a dedicated day. Of course, I called my mom and chatted with her. Talked to my mum-in-law as well. And hugged and squished the kids a zillion times like I do on most days, even if the drill sergeant in me is ready to burst forth any minute.

Moms make the world go around

Having met many wonderful moms, including my mom and mum-in-law, aunts and cousins, plus a few  friends who have faced many challenges in raising their kids, I am grateful for this concept of having a dedicated day to show appreciation, not just to our own mothers but to all mothers we know who are doing the best they can.

I was one of those who pooh-pooh-ed this Mother's Day idea, not buying into commercialism surrounding it. However, that is no excuse to pass up an opportunity to take care of the one person that ends up taking care of the whole family in many traditional households.

I still don't subscribe to ignoring mothers for 364 days a year and buying a gift on one appointed day to somehow make up for all the caring and the thoughtfulness that should be spread over an entire lifetime.

Whether Papa is into it or not, kids are up for helping Mama do what she likes on the second Sunday in May. No kitschy gifts, no cliched flowers+chocolate; and rather than be presumptuous about what Mama wants, Wish Lists come to the rescue in our house. For any and all occasions, not limited to Christmas and Birthdays.

And that's how I got to spend a wonderful Sunday. After a week long stormy weather, the day was sunny and dry. Very rare for these parts, around this time of the year.

Watermelon-looking cranberry-raisin bread: The nine year old found this on the youtube and suggested that Papa make it with her. Of course, Papa ended up making most of it. All without my interference or help. So, I woke up to a fresh loaf of raisin bread looking like watermelon.

PicMonkey card: The girl designed this card using PicMonkey (awesome and easy-to-use!) and then added the first clue for treasure hunt exclusively for me that morning.

Treasure Hunt: Starting with a clue in the pocket of her robe, she sent me around the house to finally lead me to the treasure: herself! Yep, after going from room to room and getting the clues, she was waiting at the last spot to give me a hug and end the treasure hunt!

Hiking in Ecola State Park, explored the Cannon Beach area, and spent some time at the Indian Beach. Highlights for the kids:
-Sorrel-hunting and munching
-finding an inchworm
-falling in the mud

Although it was only a 2.5 mile hike, the uphill half followed by the downhill half totally messed up my knees and calf muscles, but, it was well worth it. The view was beautiful, the ocean was perfectly blue, the air was fresh and damp, the sour sorrel leaves were devoured with glee despite the puckering. The day came to a close with a falafel meal and quinoa salad that I did not have to cook, plus some smooth dark Belgian chocolate that makes me feel content.

Mother's Day Eating Crickets

I think about how bravely my mom put me on a bus and sent me off on a two-hour bus-ride to visit my aunt when I was not much older than my little girl now...

I marvel at her trust in society when she put me on an overnight train to visit my other aunt and cousins over summer holidays before I was a 'tween...

I appreciate her for sending me away to live in a hostel in a different city as I earned my degree and got an education on life and self...

I swell with gratitude when I realize how much it must've taxed her heart to fully support my yearning to go across continents and live in a different culture and be on my own...

Australia was my first dreamy destination that never happened. My mind was filled with McArthur's Universal Corrective Map Of The World, and the Great Barrier Reef.

Today, I am not half as courageous as my mother. I dare not let my kids out of my sight, out into the unknown - yet. I know as they grow older I will learn to let go in some ways...

Not just on Mother's Day but practically every other day, I think of all the choices my mother (and father) made to put their kids' needs ahead of their own, to teach us to trust in our world and reach for the stars...

And, on a particular Sunday, when asked how I'd like to spend the day, it was easy for me to choose an activity that kids would enjoy as much as I did: beach-hopping!

Many pristine beaches abound the Oregon coast - uncluttered, quaint, peaceful...

We chose the less popular spots around Rockaway Beach, Wheeler, Nehalem, Garibaldi...

...combed the beach for sand dollars and agate; played in tide pools near barnacle-encrusted rocks...

...found a Nandi shaped rock formation...

...had a picnic lunch...

...browsed at Beach Crafters and The Frugal Crow with Ana while the boys sat and watched the Coastal Excursion train chug by...

...and snack time found us walking into the cliched saltwater taffy and ice cream store by the beach and coming out munching on protein-packed crickets with added flavor (and no saltwater taffy or ice cream)!

As we headed home after a long day, I tried not to dwell on my less desirable traits that the kids are inadvertently picking up; I tried not to jump ahead to the next day and worry about things that have not happened yet; I tried not to think about the agonizing origins of Mother's day or the commercialization surrounding it; I tried not to feel uncomfortable about a day that focuses on the maternal role - however that is defined: birth, adoptive, step - a nurturing role which sustains the next generation through sheer love and commitment that goes beyond rewards or accolades.

Instead, I focused on the coupon Ana gave me that morning for a Free Arts & Crafts Lesson with her, and the card Og made for me as I sipped coffee in bed. Mundane things. Made precious through their simplicity.

Falls Creek Falls

"What would you like to do on Mother's Day, Mama?" queried the 7 year old a week before the celebration.

As my mind rattled off the traditional mundane things like, have a nice warm breakfast made for me by someone else, take a long and uninterrupted bath, sip a cup of tea with my current book in hand enjoying the backyard bird songs while sprawled out on the grass... I heard myself say out loud, "A hike would be nice", adding quietly, "to a place we've not been to before, and is not a long drive, and a picnic lunch packed to go, with me taking my time to stop and photograph whatever catches my fancy rather than hiking up and down business-like as if in a hurry..."

Mother's Day mid-morning found us geared-up and heading out to explore Falls Creek Falls, WA. The thundering falls pouring into the pool was quite a sight (and sound).

The trail had quite a bit of elevation, and after the suspension bridge it got quite tricky with tree roots. Ana managed it fine, but Oggie needed a ride on Papa's shoulders for about one-third of the way, on and off, especially where the path got rather narrow and steep.

Along the creekside trail there were paths to get to the flowing water which was still icy cold and stays that way throughout summer.

Thanks to the time difference, I was glad to be able to call my mom the previous night and have a usual chat. It was nice to hear her reassuring words that none of the little minutiae matter in the long run, and that the bonds and affection is all in the mind (and the heart), and as long as the hearts and minds feel together, no physical distance matters.

I hope as she grows older Ana will feel the same connection with me that I feel with my mom - to be able to talk briefly long-distance and hang up the phone knowing how much she is cherished.

Happy Mother's Day 2012

I had no inkling of what it really involved - the non-stop self-improvement that seems to be a natural by-product of motherhood.

Sure, I noticed that my mom cooks, works as a teacher, makes crafts, sews when she is in the right mood, takes us kids to exhibitions and fairs, tells us what to do and what not to do...  in my rather naive mind back then, I thought all those were so easy and so natural that it was nothing special, nothing challenging, nothing to fret about when it was my turn.

And then, Ana came into my life.

When we found out about her, I was naturally focused on her safe arrival in our midst with no thought to what happens once she is here. I focused all my energy on the move - to get the house ready for Ana and us, while pushing aside the thoughts that lurk in the periphery about "future", indulging myself a bit on the naming conundrum.

And even when I rushed to the doctor with a severely wheezing 2 week old Ana, with all sorts of horrible thoughts in my head, it did not occur to me that I was doing what Nature has conditioned mothers to do - what we call instinct sometimes is carefully cultivated set of decisions based on centuries of accumulated knowledge programmed into us for our survival.

Despite all the education, I felt inadequate and incompetent when it came to raising this tiny little thing called Ana.

That's when I started blogging. And I found some wonderful blog friends, first-time mommies like myself, who shared similar thoughts and visited me and left supportive suggestions and observations and virtual hugs, giving me a chance to pop over to their space whenever I needed a different perspective.

Derisive jokes about "Mommy Bloggers" notwithstanding, I kept blogging as a sort of therapeutic release. Not for validation, not for an audience, not for any imagined obligation, not for adulation, but purely for the joy of chronicling and, at times, venting the pent up emotions that tend to sabotage my equanimity; to pause, reflect, and reevaluate on and off, to savor some wonderful childhood memories, as well as to relish those precious moments that might fade away with time...

And so, this Mother's Day, I send out my warmest wishes and gratitude to all the wonderful mommies I met via blogging and are now in my life as amazing resources and gracious friends.

Happy Mother's Day!

The typical soggy Spring dawn seemed like any other when I woke up. Privy to the fact that something was in the works, I lingered in bed.

Our first spring daffodils have wilted in the garden, the tulips have already grown pale with dry brown edges and losing petals, the rose bushes are just waking up for the season, so no fresh flowers I supposed. But, knowing how cheerful flowers can be, a bunch of peach-colored roses and big hugs with "Happy Mother's Day, Mama!" greeted me.

A little box of soap roses and "Momu is Speshel" card - an independent venture Ana had secretly completed by scrounging some papers/cardboard from the recycle bin.



A couple of natural soaps from D, whose hand-made paper packages are embedded with seeds for planting (totally recycle-able, like the seed paper we make on and off) reminded me that spring planting season is well-past and am way behind. No matter.



I thought the day couldn't get any better.

But, it held one more surprise: a hike in LaTourell falls.



Fighting the rising guilt, I managed to tell myself that for 364½ days a year I give my attention and care freely and happily to the kids, sometimes not so patiently or gracefully, but usually sincerely and unconditionally. So it must be okay to walk alone, one with nature, about 10 feet ahead on the trail without worrying, just quietly entrusting the kids to their dad.

The slushy, slimy, puddle-ridden steep trail was quite tricky to navigate, but, it is an easy 2 mile hike that the kids can manage, and the view is breath-taking, not to mention the abundant wild flowers and the noisy yet well-camouflaged birds that make the heart leap with joy.



The highlight along the trail, besides the waterfall of course, was this "Snail Tree" - an oddly shaped tree that looks uncannily like a giant snail.



A quiet meal of Tomato Florentine soup, with Adai Dosai (weird combination, but the dosai served as a wonderful bread for dipping in the soup) followed by the usual bath-and-reading bedtime ritual rounded out the day.

I was grateful that I got to chat with my mom. The usual. Easily regressing to the little girl who kicked up a fuss about her two braids not being even and matching each other because Amma did not do it right, forgetting for those few minutes how Ana kicks up a fuss about not getting her hair-clips just so...

And after a good foot scrub, my tired feet were soaking in Epsom Salt bath (with peppermint oil) while my mind focused on the guided meditation (audio), trying not to think about those heavier thoughts that only a daughter-who-is-also-a-mother can knot herself up with.

Happy Mother's Day!

Snuggle in bed with the kids, while Appa gets brunch ready...

...wondering about a good spot for the plant I was presented, rather than a run-of-the-mill bouquet...

...reading in bed, sipping my morning coffee - a luxury I gave up once Ana arrived...

...picnic brunch in the backyard that I didn't cook or arrange...

...a personal performance of Harry Belafonte's Banana Boat song (Day-O) by Appa, with Ana's support - not the traditional romantic, for sure, and who can resist Calypso? Of course, there were several encores - I could listen to it all day...

...a long solitary walk, no stroller, no chatter-bunny, just me, moi-même - ironic - but, since I get to be with the kids all the time, nixing the surging guilt now...

...thinking about moms around the world who raise their kids against all odds, who don't have the luxuries and privileges many take for granted, about my mom and my grandmas (what I know of them as they passed away before I arrived), about my grandparents and how humble their beginnings were, trying not to knot up my innards with sobering thoughts...

...amazed at the monumental patience and grace that has kept my mom from wringing my ungrateful neck over the years...

...a quiet wind down watching BBC's Muzzy (French, Level I), repeating the phrases we've been practicing with the audio CD of the same...

...while Appa makes his special from-scratch pizza, regular crust for the kids, thin crust for us this time, no pan pizza...

...and I sit down to type a few words here.

Dinner at fancy restaurant? de Beers' version of love? No thank you.

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day!

Cadbury's^™ Five Star bar, Jangiri, and Thool Pakkoda. Treasures cached in my mom's purse at the turn of each month. Once a month, every month for the longest time, my mom had this habit of bringing home the trio of treats for us kids on pay day.

Till teenage took over and thwarted the sense of wonder and beatitude that were the hallmarks of a carefree childhood, I would eagerly await her arrival, and before she could take off her slippers, I would wrestle her handbag off her shoulder and start hunting shamelessly. An added bonus: somebody's birthday at school - there would be some extra candies and such that my mom meticulously saved in her handbag knowing what a thrill it would give us kids to find and gobble them up greedily.

Bottles and bottles of Rosemilk essence... always stocked in the fridge. Simply stir a few tablespoons into a glass of cold milk to enjoy the most heavenly beverage a six year old could imagine...

Crunchy, savory home-made vadaams (tapioca and rice concotions), sun-dried and always handy, fried in minutes and vanished in seconds...

Jars after earthen jars of home-made tender baby mango pickles, mahani pickles and citron pickles, tied at the top with a piece of old veshti so they can breathe and age gracefully...

Sitting on the veranda on moonlit nights, hands outstretched with palms facing up, taking turns getting the little round mounds of rice and rasam and vegetables that you lovingly drop into our hands, fighting for the buttery last dollop, and gulping it down happily enjoying the most satisfying dinner ever...

Amma, my dear Amma, the list is endless... the memories you made for us, for me especially, are priceless. I know I never thanked you much and probably made you more frustrated than ecstatic with my erratic moods as I grew older, but, through it all you have managed to see the best in me and always bring out the best in me.

I couldn't let this Mother's Day go by without singing your praises while I remember and appreciate two ordinary moms you introduced me to before I had any inkling of what Motherood entails.

If I don't say it enough, Amma, I feel extremely lucky to be your daughter. I don't know what I did to deserve it, but whatever it was, I am sure glad I did!

Happy Mother's Day!

Basking in the big warm hug Ana gave me while I was nursing Oggie at 5 a.m, and reading the cards each of the two gave me, I espy the simple bouquet of fresh-cut flowers from our Spring garden and flash a knowing smile at my thoughtful D, wondering if I deserve all this fuss... briefly.

Mother is the most potent of all relationships I can forge that it scares me to call myself one in the true and profound sense. Just giving birth does not automatically make one a Mother, imho.

I am just a girl, well ok, a woman, trying to care for the two precious gifts I've been given, as best as I can.

I am not perfect and I am not sure I am doing a great job, but, I know I will get better as days go by, and as I mature as an individual...

One can learn all there is to know about mothering from other sources, but, as a savant noted:

Unlike Knowledge, Wisdom cannot be communicated.