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Saturday, April 12, 2008

finding my bearings...

It has been four weeks now since the tiny little one arrived in our midst...

I have just barely recovered from my infection and surgery...

Ana feels completely displaced and is acting out as only a soon-to-be 3-year-old can, vying for my attention and pushing her limits knowing I am strapped for energy to stay firm...

I am beginning to realize that what I learnt 3 years ago with Ana as a newborn is not quite helping me with this new one...

I know zillions of women before me have done this and done this successfully, so, I am sure I will learn and survive eventually, but, as of now, I find myself worn thin and with a very short fuse, thanks to sleep deprivation...

I am trying not to be an unpredictable and volatile monster one second and then turn into a (guilt-ridden) sweet smothering mother the next - too confusing for Ana, who would probably only remember my worst moments...

Tiny Baby Oggie seems to have his own set of newborn issues that his doctor assures me will go away as his system matures over the next few months...

Meanwhile, I am trying to stay balanced and sane...

More later.

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5 Comments:

At 5:59 AM, Blogger Tharini said...

Dear Sheela...

I feel the frustration of this very difficult time you are going through. It was something that hit us very severely when Sathay was born and Akhil turned overnight into this unrecognisable completely uncooperative person. I almost regretted everything and said, why did I ever do this??

And little Ana is even younger than Akhil was. She'll need some time to settle down. So right now, set some of your rules aside and just show her your unconditional love as much as you can. I know how hard it is to do when sleep is such a rarity, but it will probably help her more than rules and discipline at this point. She WILL settle down eventually.

I wish there was some other way I could help you..prayers!!!

-T!

 
At 7:11 AM, Blogger utbtkids said...

Sheela more strength to you. What I did with the support of two parents, you are doing by yourself.

As you said what one learns with baby1 can never be applied to baby2
and 'people have done it, are doing it and will do it, so can I'

Anywyas, I believe three months is the magic number. Not that life will be a bed of roses after three months. But by three months the pregnancy harmones would have foudn a balance, the new born's system stabilizes(or the parents would have stopped fighting it and would have accepted it ) and Ana would have start taking interest in the new baby.

Good luck and a happy tamil new year. May this new year bring loads of cheer to all in your family.

 
At 3:02 PM, Blogger Sheela said...

thank you, Tharini and utbtkids! You have no idea what a big help your kind words are to my fragile state of mind now...

my parents have arrived now to help me out for the next couple of months... but since Ana has not seen them in 2 years, she has not bonded with them enough to allow them to take care of her... not to mention the language barrier which frustrates her more than anything, and to find herself suddenly directed by two strange adults who want to shower love on her but are not sure how...

hopefully things will get better now that my parents can focus on Baby Oggie and I can redirect my energy on Ana...

 
At 8:43 AM, Blogger B o o said...

Take care Sheela! Im passing every minute thinking how I am going to manage after the baby. I also tell myself the exact same thing. That zillions of women have done it and so can I. Not to mention, our very blog friends Tharini, Utbt and loads of others and now you. Was thinking about you while doing finger painting with Ashu today. You are truly an inspiration to all of us and Im sure you ll sail through this one beautifully too. Hugs!

 
At 11:23 AM, Blogger Sheela said...

@Boo: Thanks, you are so kind!

 

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