A Book of Sleep

A Book of Sleep (Hardcover)
Il Sung Na

Ages 4-8

Publisher: Knopf Books for Young Readers (September 8, 2009)

Since owls are the rage these days, we've been reading quite a few owl books. Not many resonated with us. Il Sung Na's A Book of Sleep, however, had me inspecting and admiring each double-page spread with wonder and delight that surpassed the resident 3-yr-old's.

The text is rather straightforward and simple. There is no real story that unfolds in the book. It reminded me of Taro Gomi's Everyone Poops. The pictures describe the text, or vice versa, not sure which came first for this book, first published in England under the title ZZzzz: A Book of Sleep (2007).

When the sky grows dark
and the moon glows bright
everyone goes to sleep...
except for the watchful owl.

The owl watches as the other animals get their night's rest. Some sleep standing up, some sleep with one eye open, some with both eyes open, some sleep alone, some huddle together...

However, when the sun comes up again in the morning, all the animals wake up... except for the tired owl. "Silly owl! Why does he do that, Mama? Why does he like to sleep in the morning and wake up at night?", has been Oggie's question for every owl book we've read so far that mention their nocturnal behavior. (Owl Babies, Good-night, Owl!, Stellaluna to name a few).

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, Na's illustrations are incredibly beautiful and quite stunning! The colors, the design, the animals, everything about them makes my heart leap with joy. The kindergartner and the preschooler at home like this book, of course. But, I am the one gazing at the pages whenever I get a chance.

There is a board book version, which, while still gorgeous, somehow impairs the gratification I get from the full-sized hardcover.

Il Sung Na's page has samples of her sketches and some images from this book, along with information about her other books.


[image source: amazon.com]

If I sound like a broken record...

It is not so much the waking getting up a few times every night to attend to Oggie that breaks me. It is the going back to sleep, or should I say, not going back to sleep, after settling Oggie down each night that is tearing me down.

Despite bone-weary tiredness (sitting on my rear staring at a monitor all day), the heart-wrenching (not to mention stomach-churning) baby-cries spur me out of the bed and into the kitchen to warm up the milk, get the bottle ready and hurry on to Oggie's side before he wakes poor Ana up.

Feeding, cuddling, settling him back down the first time each night happens in a relatively uneventful half-dazed state for the most part. I recite familiar slokams quietly, wishing fervently that tonight will be the night he would sleep through for the next 6 hours undisturbed as I carefully lay him back in his crib wrapped warmly in his baby blanket...

Pulling my quilt every which way till the draftiness in the back and the feet regions subside, I look at the clock and quickly close my eyes hoping to switch off and find myself in the dreamland.

Maybe I should pack a mini muffin and slices of peach along with Ana's lunch tomorrow... Did I transfer enough funds to cover that check I wrote yesterday... I should add lemon juice and borax to the list... Limbo might be a good store to look for licorice root and elecampane... I do want to make that potion for Oggie and Ana... Maybe this weekend I can take Ana and Oggie somewhere fun - IF the weather is good... Wasn't it cute when Ana asked "por-kwaa, Amma? por-kwaa Fancy Nancy got itchy?" when we were reading Fancy Nancy: Poison Ivy Expert at bedtime... I should introduce a few more French words just for fun... Wonder what Amma and Appa are doing now... Wonder if there is a better way to circumvent the validation issue without changing the library, I should try it tomorrow... (giggle) How does he come up with such things - 'egotesticle'?? Perfectly describes the man, though, quite funny... Am I still awake? What time is it now? Oh Dear! If I fall asleep right now I can still get about 4 hours, assuming Oggie sleeps through...

Wah! Waaaah! Waaaaaaaaaah!

Aarrghhh! Is he teething again? What did I feed him? Maybe it is just gas and he will settle back down...

Wah! Waaaah! Waaaaaaaaaah!

Oh Alright! I better pat him down before he wakes up fully...

After about an hour, I put the sleeping baby down and crawl back to bed.

Geez! Is it 3:40 already? I better get at least two hours now. Why is it so darn cold here? What happened to that fleece blanket? I could use another one under my quilt now... It's a good thing I wrap him up in his blanket and cuddle him - at least he won't scream and complain about the chillness of the crib when I put him back in... Hope Ana is warm enough... at least, she knows to pull her covers on if she gets cold... I can make oatmeal for Ana's breakfast tomorrow, Oggie likes it too... I was too mean and angry as a teenager... how did Amma and Appa let me get away with such behavior? Will I be as understanding and forgiving when Ana kicks and punches me with her teenage angst? Gosh, is it normal for me to be on such a short fuse these days? I should've done a second load of dishes, now the sink is going to get on my nerves in the morning rush... I should go through the photo prints and put them in albums one of these days... While I am at it, I should back up the digital pictures of the kids too... Maybe this summer I can try to take a few classes with Ana... hmmm... if I work there is no time for it, if I don't work, we certainly can't afford it... Oh Well, que sera sera... no point in getting upset now, just close the eyes and think of pleasant things...

Beep! Beep!Beep!Beep!Beep!Beep! Beep!Beep!Beep!Beep!

Darn Alarm! I am not ready to get up (whine)... ten more minutes please...

Ah well, maybe I can get to bed early this evening and catch up...

I wish I had the strength to still my wandering mind and accept the fewer hours of sleep as norm; take this gift of quiet nighttime to fortify the special bond with my son; set aside worries that are yet to be...

Easier said than done. Some studies show that the physiology and hormonal changes post-birth for some moms make it particularly difficult to remain upbeat and energetic. Especially for moms who get back to work soon after delivery. I don't need research to prove it, I am experiencing it myself...

If moms are supposed to be sweet-natured, ever-smiling beings who gently nurture their children through patience and self-control, then, shouldn't evolution have conjured up some extra-special genes for it? And then again, maybe it did and I just didn't get in line for it...

Who needs sleep?

Well, moms do, for starters. Babies do, I am sure.

So, why is it so darn tough for some moms and babies to get into a comfortable and mutually beneficial sleep rhythm?

Books state authoritatively that by 6-8 months babies should sleep through the night. I am not sure babies manage to read that before arriving in our midst. Not my two at least.

And, of course, sleeping through the night simply means undisturbed stretch of restful sleep for about 6 hours. Which I will take any day, in a heartbeat, for Oggie now.

I know I used to wake up a few times a night even before I became a mom - and, over the years we have trained ourselves as adults to simply go back to sleep somehow. And, that seems to be the tough part for Oggie - viz., to go back to sleep at night, - and, it is also tough for me to impart that knowledge...

The collective wisdom of moms through the ages says either let them cry through the night and carry on enjoying your sleep, or stay up with them and quit complaining about losing sleep. Really?! I mean, I don't get it...

I understand each baby is different, so, I perfectly understand there is no one-solution-fits-all when it comes to raising babies.

I believe it is OK not to sweat over milestones reached a few weeks later than stated in books but certainly to worry about skipping many milestones altogether.

I also believe that learning to get back to sleep in the middle of the night is a required life skill, after all body needs the rest, and it needs it in larger chunks for babies than adults, so, babies better learn to get their sleep.

I do not want to be a crutch my kids lean on, I want to be a ladder my kids confidently climb up to soar to their highest potential, and, I believe letting Oggie grow dependent on me for his sleep needs would make me the dreaded crutch. Hence, I am convinced that helping Oggie learn to sleep on his own is an essential duty and responsibility for me as his mom.

And, therein lies the problem!

When I don't get enough sleep, I am not at my best as a mom, and as a person in general, and that can't be good for my kids. I am sure there are people who can manage with say 4 hrs sleep at night caught in snatches, but I am not one of them. To function in any sane and professional manner, I need my eight hours of the dreamless. Preferably in one long stretch, uninterrupted.

But, when a particularly challenging sleep situation arises, as with Oggie, where let him cry himself to sleep method simply doesn't seem to work within reasonable time frame - viz., up to 3 hours - I am forced to accept defeat and hope that there is some other solution out there... Unfortunately, I am not built to let Oggie cry for more than a couple of hours each night for a several nights thinking let him cry himself to sleep solution is going to kick in any second now... that simply seems cruel to me.

Reward a bad habit and watch it grow is a fair warning. Everybody has studied Psychology 101 to know that. The definition of bad habit is probably not universally accepted when it comes to babies wanting to be cuddled and held by their mommies, and babies needing a crutch to get themselves back to sleep - former is not a bad habit in my book, while the latter is. I know my mom disagrees with me on the latter.

The Brazelton way, Cuthbertson's Helping Your Child Sleep Through the Night, Dr. Sears, American Academy of Pediatrics Sleep Guide, and even Kim West's Good Night Sleep Tight seems to make sense when I read them, but, Oggie thinks otherwise, apparently.

It doesn't make things easy when Oggie (and babies his age) are developing their immune system and fall sick almost every other week. Even if let him cry himself to sleep were to work for a while, when my baby is sick and needs cuddles and comfort which I give in plenty, I cannot let him cry himself to sleep at those times. So, clearly, he unlearns the cry myself to sleep habit and then the vicious cycle starts again.

I bawl on the phone sometimes and even get upset with my mom for not having ready answers/solutions to issues I face with raising Oggie now - Sleep, being topmost among them. But, when she has none to offer except stay awake with him, he is not going to be a baby forever and he will grow out of it, I get a little ballistic. And then in an instant realize that I have no profound words of wisdom about developing good sleep habits for kids when Ana wants to know someday...

Today's moms have to manage a professional life, as well as their domestic life, and manage it without much help (am just going by my personal experience here), and somehow be the best moms and employees, well, good ones, if not the best.

Something is missing here...

Do what works for you, Do what you can live with are all a bit vague and empty because, nothing I know to try has worked so far, and, what I can live with is more sleep for me and Oggie and that isn't happening either... so, we are back at square one.

It seems easier for me to blame it on Nature/Biology or something intangible for this little conundrum. Moms bear the primary responsibility of carrying, birthing and nurturing the next generation. And, to do it all well and be a calm and centered kind of nurturer I am sure moms need enough rest - whatever enough happens to be for each mom. And somehow, it is so arranged that some babies do not like to sleep well, and their moms are desperately typing away at 4 in the morning while tearing their hearts out and wiping the tears before it hits the keyboard...