Three Little Words

Three Little Words

A Memoir
by Ashley Rhodes-Courter


[Note: Some explicit references to abuse and pedophilia can be disturbing for younger readers. Recommended for 18+]


Ashley Rhodes-Courter is a phenomenon, an inspiration, a powerhouse of progress and change in the child services. This book started out as an essay titled, "Three Little Words", for NYT - an essay about her adoption day, which won a grand prize in June 2003. People expected the three little words to be "I love you", but readers find out that it is actually, "I guess so" - the three words which sealed the deal to make her adoption official.

Ashley's teen mom lost custody of her by age 3, and since then Ashley was shunted from foster home to foster home in the Florida foster care system for the next 9 years. Some of the stay was brief, some longer; some were tolerable, some were outright abusive; yet, she endured, and tried to thrive. Knowing that nobody can take away her education, she excelled in the school system no matter which foster home or which public school she went to. Sometimes she never got to spend a full year in the same school, and that did not make her withdraw into herself. Instead, she found ways to stand out through her achievement - be it essay writing, or public speaking, or acing the tests and being a straight-As student.

The book is a memoir, recounting her experiences upto and including her adoption by the Courters and her successes thereafter, including being invited to the White House as President Clinton's guest, winning an essay to spend time with her favorite author J.K.Rowling even as a teen. Her life has been one painful event after another until she found herself surrounded by so much love and care with the Courters that she was able to give back, and give back generously.

I could not put this book down, and had to finish reading it in one long sitting, one recent weekend. To think that the childcare services are so steeped in bureaucracy and neglect that many children fall through the cracks never to resurface is infuriating.

Being a gifted writer, Ashley's words cut deep without being bitter or resentful. Her honesty and her unique perspective on the traumatic events in her life are not paraded for pity but shared with clear insight into the  breakdown in the system which allowed this to happen, not just to her, but the thousands of other kids with no families.

Her question still remains unanswered probably: Why do states pay a fortune to foster parents rather than helping the biological parents out? If her own mother was given the financial support that the vile Mrs. Moss was given, wouldn't their lives together been a lot less painful? Why are the likes of Mrs. Moss allowed to get away with cruelty time and time again while the biological parents are penalized at the first hint of failure as a parent?

Her other book Three More Words tries to answer all the questions we have from her first book, plus shares her journey as a foster care parent.

[image source: http://rhodes-courter.com/three-little-words/]

Girls Like Us

Girls Like Us

by Gail Giles

Candlewick; Reprint edition (October 13, 2015)
Grade 8 and up

[Note: The book is aimed at high school and teenage readers, and so is this review. Some abuse situations are violent and graphic in the book.]


Author Ms. Giles taught Remedial Reading for high school kids, some of whom were Special Ed students, for twenty years before she finally decided to tell their stories. Being a special ed teacher can't be easy - filled with moments of pain and struggle, but also stories of courage and achievement - and through all this, Ms. Giles has brought to us two unforgettable characters, Biddy and Quincy, for whom we root hard right from the start, especially because they got a bad start in their lives through no fault of their own.

Quincy and Biddy refer to themselves as "speddies" and talk about their situation matter-of-fact-ly, even though they have every right to be resentful and seething with anger. "The one thing all us Speddies can tell you is what kind of retard we are. Ms. Evans gets wadded in a knot if anybody say retarded. We be differently abled. We be mentally challenged, she say."

Quincy's real name is Sequencia who was unfortunate enough to be born to a "crack ho" Mama whose boyfriend picked up a brick and hit Quincy on the side of her head when she was six. From a bright sweet six year old, Quincy is disfigured and brain-damaged with the rest of her life to pay for the abuse she suffered. "My face looks like somebody put both hands on it and push up on one side and pull down on the other.... and the doctor say that I got brain damage from that brick."

Biddy's mama showed up at Granny's one day, asking to stay the night. The next morning mama was gone and Biddy was stuck with Granny who resented her from the start. Turns out Biddy didn't get enough oxygen at birth and that caused moderate retardation.

"My name is Biddy. Some call me other names. Granny call me Retard. Quincy call me White Trash... Most kids call me Speddie. That's short for Special Education. I can't write or read. A little bit. But not good enough to matter."

I might end up quoting the whole book! Each statement, each word is there because it needs to be, and not a single wasted unnecessary word. Such terse writing packed with such power and depth of emotion is a gift to behold.

"My grandma was white and my grandpa black. My mama has pretty light skin. My daddy was white and Mexican and he had green eyes." 

Biddy scrunch her eyebrows up a little tighter. "Don't that make you mostly white?"

I hee-hawed then. "Girlfriend, in this part of Texas, if you a little bit black, you all black."

The story is told alternately from Biddy's and Quincy's voice which are distinct and powerful and heart-wrenching and hopeful and courageous at the same time. They are both graduating from high school in the special ed program and now will be placed in suitable situations where they can remain fairly independent and manage lives on their own. Understandably, neither is looking forward to be thrown out into the real world.

Biddy and Quincy are teamed up and placed with an elderly lady who needs live-in help for cooking, cleaning and helping her with her daily life. Slowly but surely, Biddy uses her talent and preference for cleaning everything spotless, while Quincy uses her cooking skills learnt from her foster dad a few years ago. When Biddy tries to help Quincy through her crisis - of being raped and beaten - she effortlessly slides in the book's title:

I hated to make her sad again. But I had to. "Quincy, you're right. But other peoples won't believe it. Police or nobody else care what happen to girls like us."

The sexual abuse as well as the physical abuse Quincy and Biddy endure is heart-wrenching and inexcusable. To think that our society is capable of treating fellow beings so cruelly and turning the other way when they need some support, is not only horrifying but alarming.

Ultimately, it ends with hope and we let out a sigh of relief knowing Quincy and Biddy will be all right somehow.

This is a book I will not easily forget.


[image source: Gail Giles website]

None of the Above

None of the Above
by I.W. Gregorio

[Note: Recommended for 18+ due to physically intimate situations; also included are biological and physiological information regarding reproductive anatomy and disorders of sexual development.]


A practicing surgeon by day and a YA writer by night, Ms. Gregorio is also a founding member of We Need Diverse Books ™ dedicated to advocating changes to the publishing industry in order to help create and promote inclusive literature that honors the lives of all young people.

The book is about Kristin Lattimer, a high school senior voted homecoming queen, who finds out that she is Intersex in a rather painful and unexpected way: Krissy is a female, grows up to be a female, thinks and feels like a female, identifies as a female, is heterosexual, has external female characteristics, and yet, she has internal male reproductive organs, not the female uterus.

And, without her permission, this information is leaked to the school, which spins out of control. Her struggles in school, in life, to come to terms with this and to do what is surgically possible for "normalizing" makes up a good chunk of the book, with the associated drama and complications in relationships and friendships and heartbreaks.

Author Gregorio has done a brilliant job of explaining the medical and biological facts, while very gently yet firmly showing the emotional turmoil that people with AIS (Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome) go through, and the adjustments they have to make in their lives to accommodate this constraint. At times, the kids sound pedagogical with the medical information conveyed to the reader in chunks, but, their interactions and relationships are very much in tune with what is expected from teenagers overall.

It is impossible not to root for Kristin and jump in to defend her against the insensitive bullies. What was heartbreaking for me was when she was removed from the track team because there was an issue of her gender - she cannot compete in the girls' track events as she is not 100% a girl - after training hard and being the best; and, she was put in a position where she couldn't go on using the girls' bathroom.

Through it all, she has a steadfast friend, and there is a sweet budding romance that comes from shared experience and a deeper understanding of oneself.

Why are humans obsessed with highlighting the differences and excluding fellow humans on that count? Is there any hope for a gender neutral society in our future?

[image source: www.amazon.com]

George

George

by Alex Gino



Some people are born into a body they don't identify with. George is a girl who is born in a boy's body. Throughout the book she refers to herself as "she", identifies as a girl, but is looked upon as a boy since she was born with the boy body parts.

When people look at George, they see a boy. But George knows she’s a girl.

George thinks she’ll have to keep this a secret forever. 

Cliched single mom and macho older brother fade into the background, but, George's best friend Kelly stays tight through and through. Kelly is fine with George identifying as a girl. When auditions for class presentation of Charlott'e Web is announced, George immediately wants to play Charlotte, the female spider, and not Wilbur, the male pig.

The book is a quick read, but the message will linger long after the last page is read and the book is put away.

Theater as a backdrop for this story is fitting as where else can George pretend to be who she really is.

When George's brother and mother finally realize and accept it, there is not much brouhaha over George's gender identity. George is who she is. Except, she wants to go by Melissa, that is her name, that is what she wants to be called.

The ending is perfect, where Kelly lets George/Melissa try on her girly clothes and they both go out into the world (to the Zoo with Kelly's uncle, to be precise) and for the first time George is comfortable with being true to herself.

The resident 11-year old read it casually one weekend and had a few questions to ask about this book, which is a positive sign for me.


[image source: http://www.alexgino.com/george/]

Handmade Alpaca Wool Felted Adult Indoor Booties

We waved goodbye to 2016 surrounded by pristine winter beauty, thanks to a well-earned mini vacation.

I got to make a pair of felted alpaca wool booties while on vacation, which was both a relaxing and rewarding enterprise.

The wool came from these lovely beauties, my favorite alpacas I know by name.

The indoor booties fit perfectly and seem like a well-matched pair. This wasn't a given, considering how easily they could have turned into a size 7 for one foot and a size 12 for the other if I wasn't paying attention to the template.

The subdued abstract marbling of strands of dyed merino wool add the rustic charm I was going for. They make a wonderfully warm boot liner for those extra cold days when socks alone won't do. Worn with the cuff turned down, they make a cozy pair of indoor slippers.