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Friday, July 21, 2006

some make it look easy

But it is not.

When The Joy Of My Life (TJOML) was about a few weeks old, it started becoming apparent to me that Motherhood is not going to be easy.

My sis-in-law has three beautiful, gorgeous, warm, lovely kids she loves dearly. Her littlest is only about 7 months older than my little Ms.I-Will-Teach-You-How-To-Be-A-Mom.

Watching my sis-in-law sit back relaxedly one afternoon, when her 4-yr-old was asserting her independence, at the same time that her 2-yr-old decided to run into things and accumulate some scars to show off to his future buddies and her cute 6-month-old decided she can't let go of the french fry she started sucking on about a few hours ago, I thought, wow! i can do this! i can have about half-a-dozen kids of my own and raise them happily! it should be a breeze! Other women have done it. So, why can't I?

Around 2nd week after my baby's arrival, I began to question my abilities. At the night feedings, I howled (albeit softly) at my slumbering husband that I cannot do this. I simply cannot do this. I am not built for this. I cannot handle this little baby. I am not qualified. I don't know how. I simply cannot ruin the tiny one's life by being the inept and jittery fool that i have become.

Why do other moms make it look easy? Why did my mom not tell me the truth? Why do we women want to hide the truth from each other?

Moms Groups are ideal in concept. From what I gathered though, they quickly turn into "Mothers Who Boast Their Baby's Every Tiny Achievement And Cast Doubt On Your Baby's Abilities". That wasn't my cup of tea. I have shied away from joining Moms Groups. After all, my mom didn't join one and she was just fine, right?

It is not easy being a new mom. Especially with your first. They say it gets better after the second, and definitely after the third. Well, it certainly was not what I had imagined with my first. It was not all smiles and goo-goo-gaa-gaas. I certainly was not prepared to get back to work after my 30-day maternity leave. I was certainly not handling it well when my baby refused to sleep much at nights and only wanted to take two 20-min naps during the day. I certainly was not emotionally ready to send her off to daycare at all - but, that's another story.

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